So, I know it has been a little while without a post. I could not have anticipated what the last little bit would bring and I am struggling with what to write about since I have been dating the same person for… OVER A MONTH! In the almost 3 years of being single, this is my longest relationship. Also, I quite like him and don’t have a lot of funny murdery material at this point.
I’ll introduce you to 'The Pilot' (yes, that is his actual job) who I am dating now. Can you guess the first descriptor? That's right, tall! 6'2" to be exact. We met off Bumble (obviously, there is no other way) and had drinks at Happy Hour, it was a great conversation and he made me feel comfortable right away. After, he immediately made more plans with me (never has this happened!). On the second date we shared a kiss. I knew right away this was different, he was actually trying to get to know me, listening to me and taking in the things I was saying (making me comfortable to make the murder plot easier?). Since then, we've been hiking, been to the beach, had movie night, gone to a festival and he's even had me come pick up a dinner he marinated for me that I could take home and cook for me and my kids. I am shocked too, not just late night invites to his house? Am I being pranked?
I was going through a bit of a rough time when we met, my stepmother was in the hospital, my ex husband was arguing with me about the divorce (I almost became murdery), I had lost the majority of my staff at work and I was battling an infection that just would not go away. It’s almost as if he didn’t see me as the hot mess that I was. People often ask me how I am still single (How would I know?), however, I do get a lot of attention from men but they have no interest in me as a human being, they want to get me into bed. Very few have ever seen me as a person with thoughts, ideas, opinions, a fantastic sense of humor and dare I say it…feelings. So when The Pilot wanted to spend time with me (actual time), come out with me and my friends and went out of his way to remember the things I like, I was in shock. I still am. I am having a hard time accepting this thing that is happening and not waiting for the shoe to drop, waiting for that moment of disappointment. I am guarded and he’s noticed and is kindly being very patient with me. I am afraid to believe this is real and then it all to crumble away, it was easier when I knew they would never care about me and there would be no disappointment and I could make jokes about the absurd life of dating. Not to worry though, I am so uncomfortable and have no idea what I am doing with feelings that this is bound to get awkward and funny enough to write about even with one guy.
Up until I met him I was still occasionally meeting up with the bartender and I have no idea why. He disappeared as I met The Pilot so nothing had to be said. There definitely wasn’t any emotional connection with the bartender…but there was some sort of draw to whatever it was and in the long run that wouldn’t have helped me in my quest to become more connected to people. It required no work or emotional processing, this pilot though is not going to be that easy for me (how did this happen?). I knew I was in trouble recently, after just a month of dating (quite frequently) he had to go away to Europe for 2 weeks, and...I miss him. I miss talking to him, I miss being near him and in that moment I realized I do have feelings, just haven't felt them until now (I'm not sure I like having feelings, emotional void is so much easier).
We have talked on the phone and face time since he left but the 8 hour time difference makes it difficult and I am very much looking forward to him coming back. I like space, I am not someone who needs anyone but what I realize here is that I enjoy being around him (is this how it's supposed to be?). He has one not ideal factor though....young kids. I don't hate kids and I obviously have my own but it does complicate things. I like space so there's no issue with him having a week on with them and we don't see each other...I'm completely happy with that (I've always said I want a man that goes away a lot), it just means there's obviously an ex in the picture that won't like me (I guarantee it) and there's that moment when he wants to combine our worlds a bit. I'm not being crazy here, he has already eluded to me leaving things at his place and him spending more time at mine (where I have my teens 100% of the time). This is someone who actually does want a relationship (I can't even believe he exists, I may have really lost it and am imagining him). So if he wants a relationship and things work it will be inevitable that at some point those worlds will collide. Don't get me wrong, kids love me, that won't be the issue.
Red flags with The Pilot...
Cheated on Ex-Wife (not my favourite thing but also in discussing it I do understand)
A pilot (before him, the only ones I've met were complete douche bags, also someone who travels a lot can get away with murder with ease)
Very outdoorsy (I am to a degree, not nearly to his level. Where do people hide bodies? Outdoors!)
He flies airplanes...my biggest fear...flying!!!
So, here starts the blog posts about The Pilot, it will either continue with funny/murdery moments to write about or we can all enjoy my posts when this goes down in flames. Either way, I need to write for my therapy so you get to enjoy the ride with me.
Ways The Pilot could have ended in murder so far...
Date number 1, first met, drove him to his car in a parking lot, could've taken me out right there
There's a family boat (small yacht) that we spend a bit of time on, many opportunity to throw me over or kill me aboard and toss the body
Feed me to a bear on our hike
Food poisoning, he cooks for me a lot
Since I like him, I am going to remain positive for now and look forward to his return this week. It's nice to have someone to spend real time with. Stay tuned...