Updated: Jul 23, 2019
Well, I went and did it. Gave up on the current crop of online potential murderers to start fresh. It started yesterday when I had a doctor's appointment and felt agitated when I left so I did what any level headed human would do and picked up a bottle of wine. I then proceeded to polish off the entire bottle while watching Paradise Hotel (if you are into train wreck trash TV this is amazing). After watching the show and just how I feel about the general world of online dating these days I decided to tell everyone I have been talking to (or seen in one case) that I am done dating and no longer interested (via text of course). I took drunk texting to a whole new level, angry see you later texts.
The reason is simple and I don't regret it because if I am not getting what I want out of these conversations or meetings and I feel just as lonely as I did before dating there really isn't any point. And in some cases I have talked to or seen people for months and it hasn't progressed past the same boring thing over and over. What happened to the guys who plan something and take you out, send flowers, ask you how your day was or call you on a phone?! Just showing any interest at all to get your attention.
It's time for a clean slate. I may not be perfect but I do have expectations. Instead of red flags here is a list of expectations when it comes to dating (messaging and actually dating):
Respond to texts within a reasonable amount of time (no more than 8 hours, there is NO reason why you can't spare a minute to say you are busy but will get back to them later, outside of an accident or death)
Learn to spell (your pretty, (my pretty what? Oh you're pretty) to hot (to hot spring Island? oh too hot) etc. is not okay)
Initiate contact at least once in a 3 day period
Do not only invite me over at night
Do not only invite me to your place, I expect actual dates for at least a period of time
Don't lie to me about being out of town when your Bumble location is updating in different areas locally and make that your excuse for not getting back to me (I definitely try to avoid this weird techy version of stalking but sometimes it's used to confirm a gut feeling)
I think these are very basic and it is okay to lose interest in someone but for the love of wine please just communicate that and move on, women aren't as fragile as you think.
So this is exactly what online dating is like and if it weren't for this blog I might've given up all together but in the name of fun and murder I will continue subjecting myself to this nonsense. Just with a new crop of potential killers. At this rate this blog may change to all the ways I can murder them for being lazy, uninteresting, sex driven, manipulators (calm down few men that actually read this, I don't think everyone is like this, just most from these apps, I know good men exist, I even know some but unfortunately they are not in the running to be my second husband). I now see the purpose in the app seeking arrangements, at least you get something out of this process.
What I did learn from last night is that I am more prone to anger texting than sexting when drinking and that polishing off an entire bottle of wine has even more positive effects than I knew. So thank you wine and may the endless torture that is online dating not end up in my murder but with an actual considerate human by my side enjoying my ridiculous nature. Until then bring on the murder scenarios single guys!
Stay sexy and believe in the power of a bottle of wine!