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  • Writer's pictureKooky

What is going on with you guys???

Since I will likely be single forever, and, will likely be judging men's online dating profiles forever let's talk about the men's profiles. Left thumb swiping is going to give me arthritis, are any of the single men out there normal?

First, let's start with Angry profiles. Why???? Off the hop, accusing the other side of the dating screen of being flaky and uninterested because that is your previous experience. That experience is on both sides buddy. Seriously, I think you are all flaky, I don't attack you using my profile to tell you this because I do want a right swipe. You are coming across as argumentative, better than everyone else and kind of a putz (who wants to date that guy?). 'If you are __________ then swipe left', basically makes you a dick so no problem. Just appears that you don't want to take the time to get to know people. 'Not interested in drama so if you're going to bring that, swipe left'....pretty sure you just started drama with every person who sees your profile. Also, and I see this so frequently, why on earth do you want to look like an antagonistic asshole and post a middle finger pic, is there someone out there that is just looking for someone to tell them to fuck off? Again, you look like an argumentative putz. You are supposed to be charming and impressing the ladies, not telling us to fuck off. Then there's literally profiles that say that they could care less if they meet the right person right now and that they are just going to use you. 'Not likely there's a woman out there that can change my mind', actually we don't want to change the mind of someone who thinks he's better than all women. Buh Bye! Why be on a dating app and who are you expecting to respond to that? Even if I wanted a casual encounter, which I don't, I still want to be treated like a lady you sad POS. At least they wrote something I guess, write a bio or don't even bother!

Totally different pictures is another weird one, look through from one picture to the next and I am not even sure the pictures are of the same person. You do know if I meet you, I will know what you look like right? Why would you use an old picture to hook someone? That won't work, you will only cause disappointment and a really awkward date. For the love of something holy please also tell people your height, it is not wrong of someone to want to date someone at least in their height range, why are we all about wasting time?

Skiing, Fishing or hiking pics...we get it (probably 80% of profiles). Skiing pics don't show your face, most women don't care about your big fish we are more interested in other big things and being one with the environment tells me nothing about how you are in a relationship so let's just share pics where I can actually see what you look like. And for crying out loud STOP posting pics with your kids in the pictures. I have seen kid pics without even the prospective date in the picture...they did not ask to be put in a dating profile for any psychopath to see, leave them out of it. You can write that you have kids.

Gratuitous body pics, ugh, does no one want to look classy anymore? Great you have abs and no face, you have a bump in your pants...tells me nothing about who you are except vain and only interested in a hookup, even though you wrote otherwise. Some of these pictures are just gross, you didn't manscape and DUDE clean your bathroom mirror before you take a selfie of your mediocre junk bump. Try to remember not only the dirty mirror giving away your lack of effort but often the mess in the background as well. Another note, writing the requirement to have sex or how innately sexual you are on the profile is unnecessary, we know, if you are a man, we know. What we really want is someone to connect with first so lay off the sex talk before you even meet.

Here's the thing too, if you swipe right on someone, MESSAGE THEM or make some level of effort. Every time I swipe right it is a match but if I am really eager to talk to someone even I will send a message first. And if I do send a message first try not to be the most boring one word conversationalist out there (why the hell did you swipe right then?). No one seems to have a personality on these things and I am dying to connect with someone who is fun and outgoing and has a personality. I know it exists, I have found it before, was just a man child that lied and couldn't make his own decisions, so I guess there's more to it.

Names, I can't believe even writing your fist name is this difficult. It is just a first name, no one cares, stop just putting a letter or a sequence of letters or just dom. I will not message someone and say "hi G"...nope, not going to do it. What are people afraid of? You are single it's not shameful and if someone sees you on there, they are single too and probably not ashamed. Tinder is not illegal unless your intention is to find victims to murder or cause harm to, so what are you hiding? Same as when there is nothing but scenic picture, my assumption is you have a wife you are hiding this from. No name, no picture equals MARRIED! Ladies, they are married or in a relationship and lying to their partners. Even the ENM, ethically Non Monogamous put their names and pictures. See the red flags, avoid the red flags.

Not profile related but please guys, if you send me a message and I respond and ask you a question, respond back. Why is everyone so flaky? What is the point in this if you are not trying to make a connection? Why on earth did you swipe right? A message back every other day does not foster any kind of connection and stop wasting our time! If you changed your mind and are not interested, say something or unmatch.

Honestly, I think the murderers using Tinder to find victims are the charming, classy ones that you want to meet. They aren't dumb, they know what they're doing and relying on all the other duds to make it easy for them. Guys! Stop making it easier for murderers to get a right swipe from us. Try harder, do better, be charming!

#tinder #onlinedating #onlinedatingprofiles #onlinedatingprofiledonts #murder #makingiteasy #tryharder #becharming #redflags #seeredflagsavoidredflags

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