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  • Writer's pictureKooky

Vacation with a man? Am I ready?

So, to start, apologies for my absence. It appears that as my newest relationship surpassed 3 months I was in shock and unsure how to write about something that continues to move forward. I almost wrote a post (named it Dear Juan) when we had a fight that almost ended things right around the time it usually ends (2 months) but we managed to get past our issues (what?!? Yep, I can forgive, however shocking). When I said it was over my daughter actually told me that some people are worthy of forgiveness (wise 16 year old). So, here we are 3 months into an actual relationship. One where my feelings appear to come first, I am never ignored, I am taken out regularly and am mostly spoiled. So things are going well and we decide to book a Mexican vacation together (I didn't even go on my first vacation with a man until we were married 5 years prior to this). We will have been together 4 months by vacation time.

So, yes, I met him using online dating. We met using Hinge, I had been back on for all of one day after the Pilot showed me his true colours (FYI there was a text from the pilot on New Year's Eve but that's for another day). We texted a bit and I could tell there was a slight language thing just from text but it didn't seem too bad. I now lovingly refer to his language as Spanglish. The language aside, he was interesting, easy to talk to and seemed ambitious and driven. He does not fall into my usual type (which always ends up being a douchebag anyway), he's not tall, he's not arrogant, seems crazy for me to step out of the box like this. After some texting, I suggest we meet (I'm so bold), and he will tell people now that this really drew him to me. He liked that I took initiative and wasn't waiting for him to or wasn't satisfied with texting forever. He's a chef and we went for tacos (heck yah!) on our first date, and as a chef he knew where to get the best in town.

I have obviously alluded to the fact that we have had some disagreements. Now that I can review these things with a level head it is mostly due to communication issues from language or cultural differences that has caused any big disagreement. So, he is learning to understand how I do things (and making every effort) and I am learning to understand what the heck he is saying when he is speaking Spanglish (I hope I am not insulting anyone here, he calls it that too). I am also trying to learn Spanish and I quite enjoy learning it (mostly I can call you names and ask for wine but it's progress). I am probably butchering the language but he butchers mine so it's fair.

So this relationship continues with no real issues yet but it wouldn't be any fun without some red flags. The Chef's current red flags...

  • Can communicate in many languages I don't know. He can plot right in front of me if I don't understand him.

  • Knows everyone in every restaurant we walk into and has their respect (lots of help with hiding a body perhaps?)

  • Very few close friends. He knows everyone but keeps a very small inner circle. (less people to keep murdery plots from)

  • MMA fighter (definitely had that nose broken a few times, and ear reconstruction) which lends to fighting which can always become murdery, is aggressive and well makes him a little harder to fight off.

  • Doesn't drink much to avoid becoming aggressive (not with women, but he'd stand up for one aggressively in a moment).

So, the red flags are a stretch but I like to keep on theme. Anyway, after dating only a short 4 months we are going on an all-inclusive vacation to Playa Del Carmen together (so if I don't return, I can rely on all of you to share where I was). He is a Spanish speaking man so this will help on my first trip to Mexico, or, help him with recruiting help in hiding my body but good for someone either way.

I am a terrible flyer, so being in an airplane for 6 hours with me may be enough to want to kill me or get his own room upon arrival and never speak to me again. We will see how much he likes me for sure after that flight. I've been known to get rip roaring drunk, cry, shake and tap on a short flight. Then there's all my crazy fears upon arrival in Mexico. I mean Dirty Augustine could be waiting there to kidnap me with his Cartel buddies. Mexico does have a lot of crime and I can see myself being annoyingly paranoid (enough for him to want to sell me to kidnappers probably). That's not all though. There are sharks in that water, crocodiles, Mexican raccoons, birds of all variety's (and I hate birds), lizards and the creature that makes me cringe the most...mosquitoes! I think they have cockroaches too (which I can't even tell you how much I fear, thanks to a rough living situation as a child, I actually had to shake off my towel after a shower to shake the cockroaches off), but since I recently took up calling him Mi Cucaracha (and by recently I mean yesterday when I learned this is what cucaracha meant), I feel like I should keep my loathing of that creature on the down low.

So, even just reading this, you may feel how annoying a trip with me could be (how will he survive?). I have warned him and that is the best I can do. I still think he doesn't understand how bad my fears can get but he'll know soon (and let's hope that doesn't result in my murder). I have booked in with my therapist a week prior to the trip and you bet your ass I will be getting some sedatives from my doctor for the flight (my airplane diet is Champagne and Ativan and I'm not sorry) . This post is setting me up for a vacation post when I return in March and I can share how it all turned out. In the meantime, please wish me luck in a few weeks when I board a plane with a relatively unsuspecting new boyfriend who may or may not be able to handle my crazy travel induced anxiety.

So, there is plenty of room for murder on this trip...

  1. Suffocates me accidentally while trying to keep me quiet (then a weekend at Bernie's style vacation as he totes my giant body around Mexico pretending I'm still alive....REMAKE!!!)

  2. We land and from the exhausting experience he ditches me and leaves me to find my own way in Mexico which lands me in trouble with some bad dudes and I am murdered

  3. I think we will bring Tequila poisoning back on this post, it was so solid the first time and trust me I will be into the Tequila

  4. Recently I've learned that with one too many drinks I pick fights with him, so since we are going to an all-inclusive and I am most definitely going to drink too much at least once...we can assume that I may pick a fight and he could feeds me to the sharks... there are sharks in Mexico!!!!

  5. I have too much tequila and go swimming, that's not murder but he could just not save me from drowning and then it is, right?

I'll save the rest for the follow up post, hopefully I'll come up with something good while I'm there. So wish me luck!

#onlinedating #hinge #murder #vacationwithaboyfriend #redflags #sarcasm #dating

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