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  • Kooky

Spoils Me Out of Towner

Updated: Jul 22, 2019

Thanks to Narcissistic Andy disappearing, I accidentally landed on an American visiting from out of town on Bumble.  Best mistake I've made in this process.  He was only in town a couple days and we couldn't meet up but he said he'd message me if he was ever here again.  I never expected to hear from him again, but I did and I expect there will be a few posts about this one. There's no nightmare dating story here but definitely a few ways I could've ended up murdered if he wasn't such a stand up guy (so far, there's still time, he could be making me feel safe so he can put his very murderous plans in action).  And obviously there is a downfall to the fact that we can't be more than a fun get together once in a while due to living in different countries (part of the murder plot?). We've seen each other once a month for the last bit.  First met at the hotel lounge of the very nice hotel he was staying at.  When I parked he said in a text 'just look for the guy in red sweat pants and a Metallica t shirt'. So he's funny, that's good, obviously he's staying in a fancy hotel so he's not looking like that.  I walked in and there's a handsome tall man to greet me. We hit it off right away, talked for hours about all sorts of things.  Since he lives so far away and I wasn't worried about it getting serious, I didn't hide my typical save this for when they're hooked stuff.  Medical stuff and lunatic family members if you're curious.  I had such a great time I was a little disappointed when I went home never expecting to hear from him again.  Two weeks later I get a message asking how I'm doing and when he's back he'd like to meet up again.   He was back for a night just a month after the last time and we went for dinner.  Turns out we both have a fondness for Tequila and we ordered every tequila drink on the menu (they were really good drinks too).  I had a great time but again he lives in another country.  He's quite funny (part of the charm for the murder plot) but also sounds a bit like Seinfeld and gestures in his jokes similarly.  My mission has been to get him to mention man hands (I have extraordinarily large hands) like in a Seinfeld episode, so far this has not been a successful mission. Didn't expect to hear from him so soon but two weeks after we said goodbye he messages that he's going to be in Seattle at the end of the month and could fly over for a couple days for an important meeting (to see me).   This time I hesitated, I had started dating someone (wait for the post about Dirty Augustine) and thought it may go somewhere (boy was I wrong) so I wanted to be respectful and not see my Out of Town Spoiler.  I had a CT scan coming up and if something bad was found in the scan that would affect my availability so I told him this to buy me some time to make a decision.  This wonderful human put my scan date in his calendar to check in on me that day.   A week my before my scan was Valentine's day (I don't give two shits about VDay but also don't mind attention ever).  I get a message at 4am 'Happy Valentine's Day'.  Did the guy I was sort of dating even acknowledge the day?  No.  So as 'Dirty Augustine' was starting to flake I decided there's no way I'm bailing on seeing this guy for a flake. The day of my scan he texted me before to check in and after and told me how excited he was to see me the next week.  I was just as excited.  I said I'd pick him up at the airport.  He asked me to spend the night at the hotel and I did.  We went back to our favorite spot and ordered all the tequila again.  I had a fantastic time and a fantastic night!  And I mean fantastic.   I got up early and went to work, he had made some meetings for the day to keep himself busy.  When I got back to the hotel after work, he had a meeting to go to, he knew I was exhausted and told me he ran me a bubble bath and I could relax until he got back.  I couldn't believe it.  It felt very pretty woman without the whole being a sex worker part. I had a bath while singing pretty woman.  I then put on the fluffy bath robe and fell asleep until he came back. We went out to another nice restaurant and while having drinks waiting for our table he mentioned that he didn't really need to come here for meetings, he really only made the trip to see me.  Amazing, but just my luck that finally there's a good one and we can never be anything.  We went back to his room for a bit, he had an early flight home and so I let him know I was going to miss him and kissed him goodbye.

I really hope there's a future post about this one and I see him again soon.

The ways my wonderful out of town spoiler could have murdered me:

1) Obviously the convoluted murder plot he's been working on could have come to fruition by now 2) Meeting a stranger at his hotel, always a risk for murder

3) Bathtub drowning, tricked me into a nice stress free bath so he could sneak up and drown me 4) Tequila poisoning, I did leave the table to use the washroom

#onlinedating #bumble #redflags #murder #sarcasm #americanslovecanadians #spoiled

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