Updated: Jul 23, 2019
We will start with this one because it was the first date after my marriage that turned into multiple. As with most it went South in a bad way and really fast. This one started with Bumble, I had still been refusing to join Tinder (this changed one day much later when I was bored at home with the flu). Andy looked handsome and tall, 6'4" to be exact and for a tall woman (5'9") this is a dream. In hindsight, I should probably have more standards and probably should have known this was too good to be true, which seems to be a theme in my dating experiences.
We met at a pub near my house the day before I was going to fly to Toronto from Vancouver for a week long vacation. He was sitting at the corner of the bar when I walked in, he informed me that it is his seat whenever he goes there (at least twice a week) as he used to manage the bar. Ladies! If a 47 year old man has a regular seat at the bar where he hangs out with the 20 something year old bartender and is there regularly this is bad. Run!!! Start the car! All drama aside, the date was good. He offered his help with draining my above ground pool for the winter because he has an Industrial pump for his business. So I now knew I'd have to see him again. We laughed a lot and had a few drinks, he paid even though I offered. After, he walked me to my car in a large dark parking lot, I thought oh how nice this giant man is going to keep me safe as I go to my car. Why I thought after just meeting this fellow he is now going to be my protector, I have no idea. He could have taken me out himself, I didn't know that he wasn't a psychopath. I'm not sure I do now. So just the two of us in the large dark parking lot and we hugged goodbye.
We continued texting while I was away, although the texting and responding was sparse, I am not needy enough to worry about it. When I returned he came by to help me out with my pool. He came by and started the process, he was going to stay for a drink but had to go back to work because of some pressing matter. I had to call to have him tell me how to turn it off. The pump remained in my pool sitting in salt water for weeks before he would come to pick it up. In the meantime there was more sparse texting and he took me out for dinner. It was a nice dinner and conversation and then we went back to the pub where he has a set seat (insert eye roll). In any event, I felt a connection and I had fun with him.
There were red flags, at one point I even said to him 'that's a red flag!'
only talked about himself and his issues with his land and work partner
always spoke about problems rarely something positive
would bring the conversation back to his stuff whenever I spoke of anything else
had a regular seat at the bar
hangs out with bartender half his age
would mention a lot that he made women crazy to the point he had one break into his home while he was out, he wasn't sure if they were already crazy or he made them that way (pretty sure he's the crazy one if he thinks he puts a spell on the ladies. In the end I just thought he was a douche-bag)
told me he never locked his door, and even asked me to be there when he got home once, so I am pretty sure that girl who 'broke in' was invited and he made a deal about it
got angry with me when I said this was starting to sound like a booty call
whenever I would get up to leave he'd say just 5 more minutes and pull me back down with him
no kids, never married
baby talked to his cat (it's not a baby, it's a cat, give the cat some respect)
would take forever to respond to texts
believed some 9/11 conspiracy theory (I may have mocked him for this, he deserved it)
put his hands on my neck when kissing frequently and on the front part of my neck (fuck politeness went out the window, I said nothing, IDIOT)
when at the end of our dating we messaged and I said something about being ignored he said I became negative and he was too busy to drop everything for me (Yah I know, I saw this coming)
10 years my senior with GIANT old man balls (this isn't really a red flag but it is weird so I thought prudent)
So after this the dating slowly turned to me going to his house more than us going out. I'd go by while my son was in his sports and hang out until I had to pick him up. I'd go by in the evenings. I even spent the night once by accidentally falling asleep and once on purpose. Whenever I would lay with him and try to get up to go he would pull me back down and say '5 more minutes' (controlling!). He'd make plans and cancel them a lot, wouldn't respond to texts very quickly but I really didn't pay much attention. I'm a bit oblivious when it comes to this stuff. His lack of effort should've been the he's not that into you moment instead of waiting patiently to be ghosted (if you don't know this term, start online dating, it will happen every other match). You'd think I've learned a lesson here but as you will read in later posts, no, I have learned absolutely nothing.
He went to a hockey game with a friend a few weeks in. He texted me to go to his house, let myself in and wait for him. Ummmm, no. I said 'no thanks, this feels like a booty call'. He responded offended, like I had done something to him...accused him of something. He repeated over and over 'do not say that', 'don't say booty call'. The texts were ridiculous, listen guy, don't be mad at me because you treated me like a booty call and I called you out. So I called him to use my words instead of hiding behind text. He sounded insanely drunk and I said we'll chat tomorrow. All this was a Red Flag! How dumb am I?
He only ever talked about himself; his fight with the city in respect to his property, his plans to build, how hard he worked, his partner being a problem blah blah blah. Even when I would talk he'd change it back to something about him. But I felt chemistry. Truly not even sure what that means. He's tall, handsome and a pretty good kisser but substance, no. He mentioned numerous times that his ex girlfriends were all nuts. He really thought he had a way of making the ladies crazy, he mentioned this a lot. Big eye roll, what did you do for them to make them crazy? I mean he did open car doors for me and always picked up the tab and there were some other good things but I'm clearly not here to share the nice dating stuff. He never asked how my day was or showed any real interest in me though. I cannot at all see how anyone would become crazy due to their need for him (insulting to women everywhere that he thinks his sheer presence is enough to turn you nuts).
One evening after a photo shoot I stopped by, we had a nice visit but I turned him down when he wanted to hit the bedroom (there were times prior I did not turn him down). I made it clear that I'm not just here for that and I think we need to actually go out and date some more. It was starting to feel like I was just going over for some bedroom action. He asked me to go with him for a long drive he was going on the next day, get out together during the day. I met him at his place the next day. We went on the drive, talked the whole time. He kissed me goodbye when we got back and said he's going to be really busy so not sure when he'd see me next. I got into my car and thought ohhhhh he's busy is code for see yah later (or never if you are not following).
I ended up in hospital a couple days later, was bored and texted him. No response. My best friend picked me up at 7pm and we were hungry so we went to the pub by my house (his bar). He wasn't there, we sat down and I drank some wine and had dinner. As soon as his bartender buddy saw me I saw him texting. Cool bro. Not sure who he's texting but I have an idea. The next day I texted 'what happened to you?' no response again. I am being ghosted!!!! Me! I am amazing! We had just become friends on Facebook and his posts kept popping up in my feed....so while not responding he is posting on Facebook....oh hell no. I texted him that I got it but maybe be a man and don't ghost people.
Goodbye Andy, I'd rather wake up with my head sewn to the carpet than listen to your problems any more, thanks for the save! Start to finish we knew each other for 2.5 months.
First guy bites the dust ...
All the ways I could have been murdered by Narcissistic Andy: 1) Alone with a 6'4" complete stranger in large dark parking lot (many methods available) 2) Drowning by the pool, alone after meeting one time having him to my house with no one around 3) Strangulation any time we kissed, because it seems that may be his thing 4) Intruders, he never locked his door! 5) Smothered by his giant body in my sleep (this one may be a stretch) 6) Tortured with boredom about land issues to the point that I slit my own wrists (very calculated on his part)
The dating and murder theories will only get better this is only #1