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  • Writer's pictureKooky

My Cannibal Crush

Updated: Jul 22, 2019

Hinge.  This one was new for me and on a slightly different platform than the others.  Since Tinder banned me (those chumps) I had to try something new.  It's interesting, and it does something else I have not seen before and that is show first and last name (I believe you can choose not to show this because I don't, nor do I show my real first name but as we've seen from Hospital Technician Ted it still isn't that far off).  So this showing of full names led to a new draw for me. 

Although I have said multiple times that height seems to be my only requirement, it is not, so here is the list...

  • Taller than me (if you don't even show your height, I'm not risking it)

  • Does not want kids or more kids (this will never be up for negotiation I can't medically have more)

  • Has a legit job that pays at least even to my salary (I was burned when my marriage ended for making more)

  • Doesn't smoke (I think we can all guess why)

  • Is not vegan (too difficult to cook for)

So that's the list.  Then on Hinge I found a new one that isn't a requirement but sure is a shiny thing that gets my attention...

Same last name as a serial killer!  This is gold because one day I could be Mrs 'insert serial killer last name'.  Now, let me be frank, this is probably a terrible way to choose men and you can't force something to work with someone based on a name.  I knew this but still couldn't help but make contact (I'm going to withhold sharing someones name in general on this thing but the name is of a killer that was quite fond of cannibalism).  Don't worry, I don't mention the serial killer name thing until after we meet (It's a shame that not everyone appreciates my quirkiness).

In this case, he definitely was nice and not a real serial killer or from what I could tell at any risk to be (although there have been very 'nice' serial killers in the past).  We messaged a bit, he seemed really interesting and we met.  Turns out he was a perfect gentleman, kind, interesting, tall and even a little funny.  Maybe a little too similar to me in the energy department which I don't believe is good for balance and possibly of the too nice variety (almost doesn't seem sincere, so still a chance there's a murderer in there).  We had a good time on our first date and I still think fairly highly of him in general.  When comparing to everyone else on here he comes in a solid 2nd to Out of Town Spoiler (and at this point maybe a tie).

There were 2 more dates and all was going fairly well when some drama exploded in my life right before a planned 4 day vacation.  I will spare you too much of my drama but my dogs rear legs became paralyzed and we didn't know if he would make it (devastating to myself and my kids and cost me a small fortune), issues with the ex husband, issues with finances and what I now lovingly refer to as my cancer toe.  I was in a heavy space and I warned this guy that I tend to lose communication when I am feeling this way to which he responded that he would keep the contact.  Also, at this point, I wasn't really sure there was a connection (the first date went really well but seemed to burn out in the last 2).

So, the day after my dog stayed at the vet I left to Arizona on a vacation.  The kids and my ex-husband took care of my dog very well (he is paraplegic and uses a wheelchair now but is doing well).  I did not hear from my cannibal crush my entire vacation and of course I was distracted so I didn't message him either.  When I returned there was a text asking about my trip but the sparse uninterested texting had started again.  Receive a text, return a text, takes forever to get a response (almost like they had suddenly been murdered after they last clicked send).  I know where this is going (and I absolutely don't want to do this run around again).

Although he did make it seem that he wanted to get together I found it to be very similar to all the others that started off being able to use a phone and then suddenly became very bad at it.  I had already thought it was strange that he didn't text at all while I was away (although he did have a loss while I was away so I chalked it up to that).  Unfortunately, for him and me, I was dealing with a lot. It just felt too familiar and I couldn't deal with yet another man who couldn't just say I'm no longer interested and instead sends me bread crumbs for 30 days until I start ignoring him.  So, in my wine and goodbye day I sent him a text stating that he seemed uninterested and I didn't want to do this again.  No amount of serial killer connection could sway me into giving it more time (unless maybe there was an actual relation and I was going to get stories).

My text was followed by a 'that was not what I intended' text and 'I will text you later with my thoughts' but guess what...he never texted again.  So I feel like that was the validation that he just couldn't break my heart (we're still unsure if it even exists) by using actual words and I was totally correct.  A small piece of me did think at first that maybe I was wrong until the lack of response since then.  Feels less like self-sabotage this way.  Why is it that the men I meet cannot be straight forward and feel it considerate to do things in this way?

Cannibal Crush Red flags:

  • Never married, no kids

  • Serial Killer last name

  • Possibly too nice

I know, there weren't very many with this one.  Really other than him being unable to communicate this to me effectively it really just ended up he wasn't that into me and that's totally okay. There were opportunities for murder though so let's take this pretty uneventful post and add murder.

Ways my cannibal crush could have murdered me:

  1. Idolized his namesake and planned a copycat murder (I had been to his apartment, I made it easy)

  2. First date I picked him up in my car (oddly trusting on my behalf but it was raining really hard, maybe I do have a heart) he grabbed the wheel and crashed us into a pole

  3. Hasn't responded since he said he would and decided he'd rather make me pay for calling him out and is currently planning the perfect murder (no time for texting)

So really this wasn't the most fascinating set of dates for this blog, just shows you how my mind works, and if you are living life with a killer (intended pun) last name you may have a chance with this lady.  Sorry it didn't work out my cannibal crush.

#onlinedating #serialkillername #murder #redflags #sarcasm #bumble #hinge

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