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  • Writer's pictureKooky

JP the Postie

Updated: Sep 25, 2020

Well, my judgment of people has come into question once again, this time with JP (stands for Just a Pussy) the Postie. I will get into why that name eventually, bare with me. Truth of the matter is I thought I had a connection (again, whatever that is) with this one, and I liked him. You know the hot, tall, great body ones are going to be douche bags so I met this regular run of the mill guy with a few extra pounds with a nice face and smile and a great conversation to spend my time on. Well, turns out he thinks he is one of the hot, tall, great looking ones because he acted much the same. He is a postal worker, like I said, a regular guy. He is lucky a girl like me even gave him a minute of my time! Not that there's anything wrong with a postal worker, however it's not a brainy job or a high paying one and I again have a better job and make more money which I wasn't really looking for.

So, I met this regular guy for a regular coffee nearby one day. We had a very good conversation, he is not a dummy and he is funny. I didn't expect to like him at all (based on looks, shame on me) but I did. While talking I did mention that most guys just want to sleep with me and that there's no way in hell that will happen on a first date, usually not likely for at least a few dates. I mentioned that many guys get you into bed and then they bail, I don't want that in my life because I am not looking to sleep with the entire local online dating pool. He agreed saying he wouldn't go with someone who slept with him on a first date either, because they are probably doing this with everyone.

We went for a short walk and headed back to our cars to end the date. Turns out we parked right next to each other (a sign? No!! There are no signs, stop looking for them!). We were saying goodbye and he kissed me, it was good. So good, in fact, I kissed him again. So he has that going for him, a good kisser, whoopdy doo, trust me there are more guys that can do that well. So that was that. We texted a bit where he would mention that he truly is the busiest person on earth and doesn't have much time but if I am accepting of that he would like to see me again. I mean, hello! I am totally looking for someone that doesn't want to be in my face every day, perfect.

So the following weekend he asked me to go for a drink with him, okay absolutely. We had a great time, we had a great conversation, he told me how hot I was and how into me he was. We laughed and kissed and after three drinks we left. He drove us there so once in the car we both didn't want it to end so we decided to go back to his place, no pressure, he wasn't asking to sleep with me. Well, we had a few drinks, we were having fun and one thing led to another. Before anything happened I brought up again that I want to only be sleeping with one person and if he wanted to sleep with me tonight I would like his word that he is not sleeping with anyone else and that he wouldn't just disappear on me after. Would you believe he gave me his word? He put me at ease so convincingly telling me he wouldn't do that (I know how stupid I am here do not worry). If I am patient with his lack of availability he was good. I am sure you can see the foreshadowing here, this is not a man of his word.

It was a great night either way. The next morning we were texting. We were both watching the same football game so he invited me over to watch the second half with him (he lives very close). We had fun together so I agreed. Again, it was a nice time and I thought alright, this could become a thing. I am not needy and am okay with his lack of availability and he gave me his word that he would treat me with the basic decency that he should. Well, this was the last time I saw him, and as I left I said something as a joke about if this is the last time I see you and even then he assured me that wouldn't happen. Fooled again! Ugh I am so mad at myself.

So, we text every day, and a couple times he says that he is busy and sorry and most girls would have bailed or yelled at him by now. It seemed a bit leading to be honest, like hey I'm too busy, maybe you want to make like the other girls and go. I was getting suspicious and feeling like I needed to move on but not giving him the satisfaction of giving him an easy out after he chose to sleep with me knowing how I felt about it. The following week I get another text from him, something along the lines of, 'this is about the time in my relationships that I get yelled at cause I really am so busy, I want to see you but probably won't be until Sunday.' First, you Ass, if someone is done with you after 2 weeks that isn't a relationship, you just met. I replied kindly saying I'm not crazy and wouldn't yell at you, if you want to see me you will find the time, if you don't then you won't. I'm done now too, like the others, but I am not letting you be a pussy JP. If I thought he was just busy and would see me eventually I wouldn't have been done (this guy told me he dated frequently before and after our first date, you aren't that fucking busy). This is why his name is JP (Just a Pussy), he was trying to get me to get rid of him so he didn't have to. I had already returned to online dating and talking to other people, because I was onto him. I just wasn't going to let him be a bitch and not do what he intended to the whole time. Own it if you're a douche bag.

So finally, a week and a half after the football day, he got the balls to finally say what he wanted to. And here's how it went...

So, I will explain the final message I sent in a minute, don't worry, it's hilarious. First, if you are too busy to date and need to worry about so many other things why the fuck are you online dating? Also, he went on a date the day after our first date which he had told me about and he told me he had been on so many others (so, in actual fact, you aren't too fucking busy to serial date) and you like all the others just wanted a piece and don't actually like me. He's still online dating, I checked. So, the lies are obvious and he is clearly too stupid to be good at his lie and I am too stupid to see a red flag right in front of my face. What a great segway to the red flags list!!!

  1. told me about how frequent he dates (literally said, I have been on a lot of dates) but is still too busy to date just ONE person (it took me far too long to put those two things together)

  2. shared that he is extraordinarily busy immediately before the first date and how it has ended all his prospects

  3. insincere squinty eyes (I fell for that smile though)

  4. doesn't want to take first dates to dinner in case he needs to bolt

  5. admittedly drank before picking me up for the second a car...but said there was enough time between

  6. doesn't seem to spend equal time with his kids because one is hard to take care of (too much responsibility?)

So back to that last message I sent. When I got his messages I was livid, again someone treating me like this . It hurts to feel like you were just a piece of ass to someone with no value to them to even play it out a little longer so that it didn't seem that way. To be honest, I am a great catch (I keep saying this, I know), I have a great job, am self sufficient, dare I say easy on the eyes, fit, not needy, fun and funny and I like fucking football! Hello! I have to ask myself why I am not worthy of any man's time. But also, I don't have to, and I was mad that he made me feel that way again. So in my rage, I rage ordered an anonymous bag of dicks with the note 'eat a bag of dicks' (I've done this before, it's a thing I do, kind of like a trade mark, I like getting the final word, do not judge me) to be mailed to him.

Also in my rage I didn't read the fields well and although I mailed it to his address this idiot mailed it to her own name!!! I realized immediately and emailed them to change it but it was too late, I got the tracking the next morning and it was going to my name. I panicked and laughed all at the same time, well it's not anonymous anymore but he will still get the point and I feel better. For some reason sending that always makes me feel better, it's like I'm done with you and fuck you. So I move on to the endless sea of douchebags that remain hoping for a random good man in the mix...back at it.

So in this very short lived dating experience here's the murders that could have happened.

  • First date coffee, poisoned coffee (I know, lame)

  • First kiss, douche shows up with Covid and purposely is spreading it around, I catch it, die and since it was on purpose that is murder

  • Second date, takes me back to his place (I am far too trusting) where I refuse the sex (which is what I should have done, but, be nice, we all have needs) he suffocates me and leaves me in the park by his house. The next day finds me and calls 911 and pretends to be a concerned citizen

  • Football day, I annoy him with my football yelling and he hits me over the head with a nearby blunt object, because it's daylight has to hide my body in a freezer until night and follows the same disposal options as above

  • Get's the bag of dicks and in revenge sends me poison donuts, he knows I can't refuse and I will eat them all

So, I wasn't in this long enough to be attached to the guy who I quite liked that ended up being a pussy douchebag, but, I was hurt again by the fact I was used and men don't seem to find any value in me not to do that. He can eat a bag of dicks as can all the others.

#dicksbymail #justapussy #hinge #onlinedating #murder #douchebagdates #busymyass #serialdater #fuckboy #revengecandy

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