• Kooky

Didn't see it coming

I didn't, I swear. I have now removed all Dating Apps and deleted all accounts. I am free from the online dating world! Why? You ask. Or you don't care, in which case, why are you here? Anyway, in a shocking turn of events, I met a decent human male. A male that is not looking to lie and misrepresent his intentions, a man who isn't just looking to fuck the entire lower mainland and see how many STI's he can rack up. No a real solid kind and caring man. 5 months into this I am still in shock that he is real, he exists and I did meet him through online dating (madness I know). I know I have technically felt like I met a decent man before, but this time I really hope I can trust my gut.

When that horrible postman was flaking on me, months ago, I was already well aware and I started poking around on POF (Plenty of Fish for all you non-daters). I didn't like the app, seemed messy and confusing an in my first hour I got 117 messages. There is no way to keep up with that. I had decided I was done with online dating, if I was ever meant to meet someone I would in person and in the meantime I had a puppy now to entertain me. This blog would probably have turned into me awkwardly trying to get attention in public but of course we are still waiting for Covid to back off for that to even be possible. So, as I was about to delete all apps anyway, one more message came through and it was someone from the Island nearby. This makes dating each other unlikely so I sent a stupid response 'Hello, Islander' just hinting toward a thanks for the message but obviously this isn't going to be a thing. He responded 'Hello, Mainlander' and we ended up having a conversation and it was good. Toward the end he said he understood I may not like the distance thing but he thought it could work and he'd be willing to come over on the boat and take me out and see how it goes. As we all know, I kind of prefer some distance because I struggle with someone being around too much, so I agreed.

I didn't expect much, I never do, but I obviously had a good feeling so I allowed him to pick me up from my home (such a risk, need murder options!). He brought a single rose, it was very sweet. There isn't much to do for a day with someone from out of town, there were Covid restrictions, and obviously we had to avoid my home and children. We went to grab my favourite coffee and donuts and he fell in love with the place (we go every time he is here now). Then we went for a walk by the water, he had brought champagne glasses and some cranberry ginger ale (I had mentioned that the doctor's had asked me to avoid alcohol for now and as it turns out he rarely drinks, love that!). He was an absolute gentleman, because of that we then went for lunch and another walk. I didn't want it to end and neither did he but I had to get back to my kids.

He has been here on the mainland at least twice a week since. I have had some struggle, I am a wee bit messed up. He's so nice to me and I am so used to being neglected that I was almost uncomfortable with it. There was a moment where I almost sabotaged the entire thing and I am so glad now that I didn't. There's a checklist of things I need and he hits every one, but there's this idea I always had that there had to be this insane electric spark. I've never felt that "spark" but I have been told that this is required. However, without the spark: I like him, we have fun, I feel good and there would not be one reason not to like him.

The boxes he checks off:

  • honest

  • has good job

  • owns a home

  • is a good father

  • attentive

  • responds to texts, never ignores me

  • giving and kind

  • my kids really like him (yes, they've met, I will get to that)

  • loves animals, especially my pup

  • family oriented

  • helpful

  • understanding

  • my friends like him and he has good friends that I like

  • good bedroom stuff (at first he was nervous, I made him nervous! Once that went away though, all was good)

  • He thinks I am amazing and shows me that

I have never known this kind of attention, from anyone. The kind of support and kindness he shows me is hard to comprehend for someone like me. I am not very emotional and I struggle with understanding my feelings so I am still after 5 months trying to be sure about all of this in my own head. This is what I have always wanted though. He tries hard to understand me, gives me the space I need when I need it and also treats me exactly as I have always hoped. I can't even make a red flags list as there really aren't any (other than maybe his first marriage failed but so did mine).

Very quickly the kids realized that this seemed like a good thing and my kids suggested meeting him. So our decision was that we would take the kids for dinner. We did, and both my kids liked him, there was not one issue. My daughter is a hard nut to crack normally but not with him. They are like buddies now, they have good conversations and laugh together, it is really nice to see. My son and him too, make jokes and talk. Sometimes feels like he was always here. The kids love that he's a good cook and makes us dinner a lot.

His kids on the other hand I have met once. The kids and I went to the Island to visit and we met them. They are much quieter than mine and I struggled with engaging with them as did my kids. I hope it is not that they don't like me or we (me and the kids) are a bit overwhelming (we definitely can be loud and energetic). Covid makes it difficult to see more of them but hopefully some day they open up to me. Our kids are the same ages so it could be nice for them to get along too.

I should give him a name, let's call him Close to Perfect Peter (CPP). One of CPP's things is to call me cute pet names and say really cheesy things to me. This is very hard for me. I don't want to be a jerk so I cringe and put up with it. Many people might like this stuff but for me it has always seemed insincere when people do this kind of thing and my personality isn't "sunshine and rainbows" if you know what I mean. I prefer nice compliments or gestures over weird cliché comments. I am trying to figure out how to deal with this. Also, although he is not a stupid guy, his attention to detail and spelling often also makes me cringe. This is truly the person I am, he meets all those other things I need and I am picking at these tiny details. How does one fix those stupid irritants as I wouldn't want it to ruin something so good?

For now though we continue this as I try to move past my own issues. I am going to try to continue to write on this blog about our relationship and find a way to include the murdery stuff as well. We shall see how it goes.

Here are the ways this could have ended in murder so far:

  1. Gave him my address to pick me up on first date (if his intention was to kill, I made it easy)

  2. Our first date we walked in a very large city park with many many places to hide a body, I am already assuming many are hidden there. He could have spiked my Cranberry Ginger ale, committed murder and dumped the body and no one would have known

  3. Any time you give someone you don't know your address you could be asking for it. I send dick gummies when I am angry, he could send Anthrax or a bomb (luckily I did not make him angry, and he's too soft for any of that)

  4. My first visit to his home on the island could have ended badly if he had a murder room in his home. I come over, held hostage, murdered and buried in his neighbors yard. I already think his neighbor is suspicious and may have bodies buried there so in this scenario they could have been working together (like the Hillside Stranglers)

Luckily, he is incredible good and kind so no murder. We shall see how this goes, hopefully I can find ways to bring stories to you about us that aren't boring, sappy and murderless going forward.

#relationship #onlinedating #POF #Murder

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