top of page
  • Writer's pictureKooky

As expected...Adios Pilot

Updated: Oct 18, 2019

What better time to write a blog post than when you are absolutely livid with the subject of your post. The Pilot has proven to be the same type of self important, douchey dumbass that they all end up being. This time though, it took 2 months.

I don't even know where to begin on how this went South. After the month point he got less and less interested in going out of his way to see me. When in town everything was a priority over me. That has been my whole life, I have always been last to the people in my life and I have made a conscious decision to say 'Fuck That' and turn my back on any new relationships that go this way. I am deserving of feeling important and I am going to find that eventually.

New Red Flags with The Pilot

  • He became a throat grabber (insert eye roll)

  • Used a Parent/Teacher conference as an excuse for non texting at 8pm, no primary kid has a conference that late, so lying is now a thing

  • Pilot (could have girls in every town)

  • Confusing messages

  • Started conveniently forgetting things

  • Doesn't share any info on his work schedule until last miniute

So last night was the last straw (yes, stupid cliche but I couldn't think of anything else). He had been away on a fishing trip which he said would be 3 days. After just one night I get the text 'Home, alive' (did I ask? with how this goes after I have no idea why he even told me he was back). He goes on a bit about the fish he caught...blah blah blah...and then asks when I would like him to cook one for me for dinner. I said 'name the day, I'll be there' and his response is 'tomorrow'. I did ask if that was too soon, maybe he'd like to rest a day after getting back (I'm being kind). Then suddenly as we've seen before (Narcissitic Andy, Dirty Augustine etc.), he had an episode of paralyzation, or he dropped his phone in the toilet, maybe it blew up but he suddenly doesn't respond for hours. I moved my plans for the next day that I already had to be accomodating.

So I finally text, 'did you fall asleep?', and an hour later 'Sorry, had to run to a Parent Teacher conference', this is at 8pm! His child is in primary grades (in Canada this means K - Gr 3), they don't hold conferences that late, I've raised two kids. Lies!!!!!! I didn't call him out, he will explain it away as they all do. Then he says, 'how's Sunday?' which I counter with 'What happened to tomorrow?'. Suddenly he has 9pm plans to go to a movie with 'the guys' (just say friends! 'The guys' sounds douchey). I asked why on earth he said tomorrow then and he follows with 'I'm trying to cram too much into this week and I'm going back fishing Saturday' and what I got out of that is 'you are last on my list and so when I am busy you are the collateral damage'. He offers a very insincere 'I could cancel the movie' and I was not having it. I just let him know not to cancel because I'm annoyed, if he wants to see me he will try to see me because of that, and I will no longer move my plans for him.

So, for some context, the last time I saw him, before the fishing trip, he told me where he was going and this conversation happened:

Me: 'I don't know where xxxxx lake is'

Pilot: 'Good!'

Me: 'Why, good?'

Pilot: 'It's a guys trip'

Me: 'Well I wasn't going to show up there! Goodness, I hate camping and I'm not insane enough to show up somewhere I wasn't invited, settle down'

So, as we were texting yesterday the last thing he says to me is 'It's too bad you don't like camping, it was so nice last night just chilling in front of a fire' to which I reply 'You were pretty clear this was a guys trip'. What do you suppose happens next? Come on, guess....happens time and time again...NO FURTHER RESPONSES. If he wants to see me he will try and he's done trying.

I know this just happened and there's still time for him to make an attempt but the damage is done. It's been 24 hours since there's been a response, think I can call it. I feel last place in his life and completely unimportant. Only after 2 months! Nope, I can do better. I am a catch and he may be good looking but I was still the catch out of the two of us. He would have to do some sort of grand gesture even to hear from me again. The likelihood of that I have assessed at 0.47%. I'm more likely to be murdered on my way to the office.

So, once again at least the true colours were shown quickly and before I became attached (if that is even possible for me). I enjoyed the first bit and am glad he never got to murder me.

Ways The Pilot could have murdered me...

  1. Became a throat grabber (we all know that's how strangulation works)

  2. In his car the last time I saw him, there was a large saw next to the passenger seat. He said it was for his camping trip but it looked to me that you could dismember a body with that thing (also suddenly I was invited camping? Suspicious!)

  3. Last time I went to his house I walked in and there was a large very sharp (he showed me how sharp it was) hunting knife on the counter, says he was cleaning it (I think he chickened out in my murder, I must've distracted him)

Bon Voyage Monsieur Pilot, Bon debarras (Good riddance)!

**Quick update, today I felt better because although he never again messaged, I got the last word. I anonymously mailed a bag of penis gummies to his home with a note that says 'eat a bag of dicks'. I don't have any affiliation or get freebies but for all you burned people out there,. might be for you**

#onlinedating #murder #sarcasm #onlinedatingfails #stayoutoftheforest #bumble #hinge #tinder

66 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page